Okay, so the bubbles have stopped, right?
And you still have air? How much?
I don’t know, probably thirty seconds. Maybe forty.
Rad. There’s no way he’s going to keep holding you for that long.
You’d better be right about this. I have plans tonight. Tonight would be a really bad time to die. And not just for me. It would really inconvenience quite a few other people.
I dunno man, I’ve heard that drowning is peaceful, like euphoric or something.
…Are you even listening? I’m not saying that I am upset with the method of dying, it’s the timing. The timing is just horrible.
But for the record, I don’t care how euphoric it may be, drowning sucks. Just ask the guy on the floor over there.
Fine. Point taken. Can I talk now?
Yeah, go for it.
Okay, well it’s been ten seconds. Any change on the big guy’s grip?
Nope. He’s still doing his thing, holding me here.
Hmm, maybe this wasn’t the best plan of action.
If you have another idea, I would love to hear it. We tried the struggling thing for about five seconds; that didn’t get us anywhere. Did you get a good look at the guy on the floor? He was probably twice my size, and based on all the water on floor, he struggled the whole time.
Hmm…how are we doing on air?
Probably twenty seconds left. Though I may start struggling again soon.
Wait, I think I feel something. Rather I feel the lack of something, namely our mystery assailant’s grip.
Awesome. Now I vote we wait for a few more seconds, if at all possible. Give him enough time to vacate the room.
Hmmm…Okay, I think you are clear.
Here goes nothing
High-five Mr. Voice-in-My-Head! We’re alive!
Thanks for reading
If you enjoyed this, I recommend checking out the writing of Chris Bucholz on Cracked.com. I used a similar style to what he does in some of his columns, and he does it better!